There are many reason I struggle with parenting--some are situational, some are natural. I would say the biggest factors are my depression and the plain fact that parenting is hard! It has been hard since the dawn of time, whether or not people have acknowledged that fact.
In light of a recent article (link) and yet another stressful conversation (semi-fight) with my husband about getting more "adult" time into our lives, I've come to a conclusion that I need to shift my perception of family time. It's not about quantity, but quality. If we spend less time total with our daughter in a week, month, year, but are happier people as a result of self-care, then as long as she is well-cared for when we're not available, the time we spend together as a family will be happier, more relaxed, and more constructive.
If I were more mathematically inclined, I think there would be a good visual formula for this. But I'm not, so you'll just have to read my words. =)
To address some of the assertions in the article above, I think that part of the reason for parental "unhappiness" is due to the prevailing notion in American culture that life should be all about fun and entertainment. Just look at advertising and media--the attitude seems to be "work sucks, have fun!" So obviously in an environment like that, having to do the extra housework, errands, and plain old parenting that being a mother/father requires doesn't look appealing! But it's a distortion, like all of pop culture. We don't need to drive expensive cars, live in McMansions, sip $4 lattes, and have the latest gizmo--if you focus on what's important, keep things simple, then you will find happiness whether or not you have children.
My favorite motto: "Simple living frees you to simply live."
2 comments:
Damn straight. Real happiness comes from discovering what's truly important to you - which is not necessarily, and often is not, what gives you the most entertainment - and focusing on that. This process can take some time, but life would be pretty boring if it didn't.
I'd read that article already, and just finished rereading it. It was thought-provoking, and reading articles like this is what I do while I'm busy not having children.
I also read an interesting article recently (no idea what; must look) on labels women give themselves. Nowadays it's always 'mother' and 'mom' when previous generations emphasized 'wife' or maybe 'wife and mother' and what it means for the strength and stability of contemporary marriages.
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