Lack

Lack is usually associated with negative things: lack of money, lack of time, etc. When I got the news of my miscarriage, I had the hardest time tearing my eyes away from the empty image on the screen of the sonogram machine. The next day, we donated an unwanted chaise lounge and it opened up so much space in the living room that we've decided not to replace it. In that case, lack was a good thing. It actually eased my mind and gave me a sense of peace.

Actually my bad news this week sort of did that, too. I don't have to wonder now why I don't have morning sickness. I don't have to worry about getting enough rest or lifting up my almost-3-year-old who still really likes to be carried. We have more time to pay down debts and save up money and leave time. I am free to try to lose that 10 lbs. that has foolishly crept on in the last 6 months. I am sad that our initial plans have to change, but it's almost exciting to see what Nature/God has in store for us now that our initial plans (and timelines) are dashed.

And when I look at my daughter, I don't feel the lack. I just feel deeply blessed. I'm so grateful that she is part of our lives and that she's thrived so well. And it doesn't hurt to have a little body to hold while I'm waiting for the chance to make another.